Will Ferrell is back with another set of commercials as the semi-pro Jackie Moon . While not quite as funny as the Bud Light commercials, these Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercials have their moments. “Imagine 300 gallons of water. That’s a fact!” I’m not sure when Will Ferrell’s brand of comedy will get old, but apparently he’s still got some life since he keeps doing movies that fit his style of comedy perfectly. I haven’t seen Semi-Pro yet, but I’m sure I’ll rent it at some point. And I’m sure there will be some funny moments. But honestly, I’m not sure if he’ll be able to top Anchor Man. Though, he is a great actor to have as a cameo. He could be worked into any movie really…kinda like Christopher Walken, though he hasn’t quite reached that level yet. Anyhow, check out these Old Spice Commercials (transcripts/words/lyrics are below)…

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #1

[Will Ferrell makes explosion sounds]
Will Ferrell: Old Spice. Pro strength anti-perspirant.

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #2

Will Ferrell: Do you have a herniated colon? If you do, the last thing you need is another unrelated problem called overactive sweat glands. Then you’re the guy with a herniated colon who also sweats alot. That’s why I use the clinically proven odor and wetness protection of Old Spice pro strength anti-perspirant. In summary, weapons grade, odor and wetness cock fight, this stuff works on Jackie Moon, illegal. Also, I got a girl in here. [Will Ferrell opens locker, girl starts to get out] No no no no. No no. No.

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #3

Will Ferrell: Hi, I’m Jackie Moon. This new clinically proven Old Spice pro strength anti-perspirant means the world to me. Not today’s world. The world of yesterfar. When Columbus discovered the world was round, when wild berries grew on every street corner, and gentlemen wore monocles…when cavewomen hunted for food while the cave-husband kept watch of the cave-children…you know what I’m talking about.

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #4

Will Ferrell: Phewww, hi, I’m Jackie Moon. I wanna tell it to you straight. Did you know that sweat is caused by millions of tiny sweat glands droppin’ a deuce? Don’t smell like a turtle cage.

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #5

Will Ferrell: It hurts…Oh, that hurts. Squeeze it out Jackie. Ahh! I can’t do it. Whewww! Hey, I’m Jackie Moon, I work out a lot. In the 24/7 battle against odor and wetness, guess what I use? Nothing? No. This! Old Spice! Pro strength anti-perspirant. Look it up…Owww!

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #6

Will Ferrell: Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred. One hundred combs, every day. Each armpit. Each strand of hair gets individual attention. You know why? Cause I care. That’s why I use this: Old Spice pro strength. The finest, street legal anti-perspirant you can get outside of Mexico that’s not poisonous.

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #7

Will Ferrell: Hi, I’m Jackie Moon. As an expert on sweat and sweating, I may as well be a sweat scientist. As a scientist, there’s one thing I know, and that’s that perspiration serves no purpose. Much like the appendinx, man nipples, or most of the human brain, you don’t need it. So in the 24/7 battle against odor and wetness, I use this [Will Ferrell makes explosion sound]: Old Spice. Pro strength anti-perspirant.

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #8

Will Ferrell: Everybody sweats, but most people would be surprised to know that they sweat 6 liters per day. Now I’m not familiar with the metric system, or any other foreign language, but that’s the equivalent of 300 gallons, I would guess. 300 gallons per day, imagine that. That’s a fact. Hey, cauterize your sweat glands shut [Will Ferrell makes burning sound]…owww…with Old Spice pro-strength anti-perspirant.

Jackie Moon Old Spice Commercial Transcript #9

Will Ferrell: Hi, I’m Jackie Moon. I’m a semi-professional, and I have a taste for the exquisite…fine wine, fine food, fine women from Germany. You get the picture. That’s why I use this: Old Spice Pro Strength. The finest street legal anti-perspirant you can get outside of Mexico that’s not poisonous. Buy now and guess what? I’ll include this: a tiny armpit hair comb…which works.

One of the most memorable Super Bowl Ads for me is the Will Ferrell Bud Light commercial. Supporting Bud Light and his new movie, Semi-Pro, Will Ferrell plays Jackie Moon doing a mock commercial for Bud Light. The short and long versions of the Will Ferrell Bud Ligh Super Bowl ads are below. Both are hilarious. Like Will Ferrell says, “Bud Light, suck one.” Transcripts are below for those that want to read along.

Will Ferrell Bud Light Commercial – Short Version – “Bud Light, Suck One”

Will Ferrell: Hi, I’m Jackie Moon. I drink one beer and one beer only. Bud Light…A magical blend of barley, hops, and delicious alcohol…

[new take] Will Ferrell: Makes a perfect Valentine’s gift for the ladies.

[new take] Will Ferrell: A lot of sweat goes into every bottle. Not literally, that would be gross, but you know what I mean.

[new take] Will Ferrell: Rereshes the palette…and…the loins.

[new take] Will Ferrell: Bud Light, suck one.

Will Ferrell Bud Light Commercial - Long Version

Will Ferrell: Hi, I’m Jackie Moon. I drink one beer and one beer only. Bud Light…A magical blend of barley, hops, and delicious alcohol…

[new take] Will Ferrell: Drink Bud Light or I’ll kill you with the wrong end of a basketball.

[new take] Will Ferrell: The preferred beverage at sporting events, concerts, and tawdry burlesque shows. Speaking of burlesque shows, is that make-up honey around anymore? Are you familiar with Burlesque?

Woman: A little.

Will Ferrell: A little? Or a lot? [laughs]

[new take] Will Ferrell: Bud Light, I’m horny.

[new take] Will Ferrell: What’s wrong with this, huh?

[new take] Will Ferrell: I know a little bit about directing…if you’re gonna say this is for Valentine’s, for the ladies, this is the pose…Or maybe this is.

[new take] Will Ferrell: Take it from a man who places electrical tape over his nipples. What? What did I do?

[new take] Will Ferrell: The perfect beer for blowin’ out the pipes.

[new take] Will Ferrell: The official beer of people who like…..beer.

That’s a wrap. Okay, who do I see about getting my cash?