Jon Lajoie is at it again…last time it was with the Chatroulette Song, but this time it’s a bit more like his older stuff. This time he’s dressed up in some sweet 80’s garb and is breakin’ it down for all the ladies. Wait, hasn’t Jon Lajoie done this before? Oh right, he’s done something similar…but this is just as hilarious. This time Jon is showing off his dancing skills. And by dance skills, we mean anything but…see for yourself. Watch as Jon Lajoie says, “I can dance!” You can also sing along with the lyrics below. You know you want to!

Jon Lajoie – I Can Dance Video & Song

I Can Dance Lyrics by Jon Lajoie

Some guys are good at talking to girls.
Some guys have all the money in the world.
Some guys wear fancy shoes and pants.
I’m not one of those guys but baby
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah,
Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

Some guys have friends and they do high-fives.
Some guys have parents that are still alive.
Some guys don’t sit when they pee, they stand.
I’m not one of those guys, but baby

I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…

Everybody, let’s count to ten.
One, all you gotta do is watch me dance.
Two, keep watchin me dance.
Three, four,

[Jon Lajoie speaking]
Oh, ya, I’m sorry, I actually don’t have lyrics for this part ah…I kinda got carried away, thought we should do a counting thing, but ah, that’s my bad! Sorry guys, sorry about that! Ah, can we maybe just cut back to the chorus…

Dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance,

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah,
Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

Some guys have money that they’ve invested.
Some guys were never molested.
I was though, and but, and…

Gotta stop touching the children…
Gotta stop touching the children…
Catholic Church we’re looking in your direction.
Gotta stop touching the children…
We’re not pointing fingers but damn your track record is bad and getting worse.
Gotta stop touching the children…
Vatican, more like Old-men-touchin’-childrican.

Ooh, ooh, ah, ah,
Ooh, ooh, ah, ah.

Dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…
I can dance, dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance…

The crazy internet crazy ChatRoulette has sparked a lot of interest. It’s the inspiration of Jon Lajoie’s latest song and video. check it out:

Chatroulette Song Video (Jon Lajoie)

Chatroulette Song Lyrics by Jon Lajoie

I thought maybe I’d find a friend,
or maybe I’d meet a girl…
have a great conversation with a stranger
on the other side of the world.

Or maybe learn something new
about a culture or a place…
Connect with another human being
but every time I press new gaaaame…

All I see is guys jerking off,
guys jerkin’ off…
just penises and cocks,
and guys jerkin’ them off.

Hold on, this guy’s not jerkin’ off.
Maybe he’s like me and just wants to talk.
Hi, how are you??…
Nope, there he goes.

Aahhcck…Dude, that is a lot of cum.

Jon Lajoie is at it again. And this time he’s got one hell of a crew with him. We’re talking about 12 MCs…and they call themselves the WTF Collective. Check out the new song and music video from Jon Lajoie, WTF Collective. Hilarious as always!

Jon Lajoie WTF Collective Song and Music Video

WTF Collective Lyrics by Jon Lajoie

[MC Confusing]
Other rappers are comprehensible, not me,
First on the mic, MC Confusing!
I took a piss on my nutsack and called it Jack Black.
It’s a fact, I got more rhymes then Zack Braff taking a nap.
I attack mothaf*ckas wearin’ purple backpacks,
And I snack on towel racks and take a sh*t on your track.
Yeah you’re whack, cuz everybody understands what you say.
But when I get on the mic, I make milk outta clay.
And I play air guitar with a tube of toothpaste,
and I say karate pencil case and put it on tape.

[MC Insecure]
Yo I’m MC Insecure, what’s up?
I really don’t think that I’m good enough
to be rhymin’ on this track cuz my lyrics suck.
All my verses fall flat like a hockey puck.
It took me seven months to write the first part of my verse,
and now I got nothing left so I’ll pretend that I got hurt.
(Owww! Oh I think I…sprained my ankle
You guys go ahead and finish the song without me)

[MC Amnesia]
Yo MC Amnesia ya up in this bitch,
woke up five days ago lyin’ in the ditch.
Didn’t know who I was I couldn’t remember sh*t.
Apparently something happened that was traumatic.
I used to have more rhymes but I can’t remember them.
Seriously I’m freaking out I can’t remember anything!
What my mothaf*cking name?
(Seriously does anyone know what my name is?)

[MC Public Urination]
Yo I’m MC Public Urination, what what?
I take a f*ckin’ piss on the f*ckin sidewalk.
Any time any place I just whip out my c*ck
and empty my bladder while you mothaf*ckas watch!
You other MC’s can’t handle this shit!
You just a little bitch ‘fraid to pee in public.
You runnin’ to a toilet everytime you have to piss.
Yo f*ck that shit I just whip out my d*ck!

[MC Fatigue]
Yo MC Fatigue yeah that’s me.
Everytime I grab the mic I f*ckin’ fall asleep…
(snoring)

[Chorus-Chorus Guy]
I’m the guy who sings the chorus…
(it breaks up the song)
My part is kinda boring…
(I wish that I could go home)
But they’re paying me to sing the chorus…
(And I really need the cash)
Cuz I’m unemployed at the moment…
(Just moved back in with my dad)

[MC Doesn't Know What Irony Is]
Yo I’m MC Doesn’t Know What Irony Is.
Walked up to a girl and I gave her a kiss.
She said ‘let’s go to your place and I’ll suck your d*ck’
I said ‘Hell yeah bitch, that’s so ironic’

[MC Gets Side-Tracked Easily]
Yo I’m MC Gets Side-Tracked Easily
My rhymes are bad ass like Gandolfini.
You know he’s known for The Sopranos
but he’s also in movies like
Get Shorty and Terminal Velocity,
which I didn’t really like
’cause I don’t like Charlie Sheen…
well, I guess in Hot Shots he was kinda funny.
But I prefer Leslie Nielson in the Naked Gun,
you know who else was in that movie?
O.J. Simpson…
Which is kinda weird knowing what he did after that.
Wait, what was I saying? I think I got sidetracked.

[MC Lethal Weapon 1, 2 & 3]
Yo I’m MC Lethal Weapon 1, 2 & 3.
I really like those movies but the 4th dissapointed me.
Danny Glover, Mel Gibson and Joe Pesci…
Why did they have to make a 4th?
They had a perfect trilogy!

[MC Lethal Weapon 4]
MC Lethal Weapon 4 that’s me,
I disagree with MC Lethal Weapon 1, 2 & 3
Although I agree that it is a groundbreaking trilogy,
the 4th was also good, they added Chris Rock and Jet Li!

[MC Sh*t My Pants Frequently]
Yo I’m MC Sh*t My Pants Frequently…
It usually happens when I’m walking down the street,
or when I’m hangin’ out with some fly-ass hoes.
There we go, thank god i brought a change of clothes!

[MC Final Verse]
Yo I’m the MC with the final verse,
I’m supposed to sum up everything you heard
But muthaf*ckas I don’t really have the time.
So f*ck that and come back to the Chorus Guy

[Chorus-Chorus Guy]
I’m still singing the chorus…
(thank god we’re almost done)
I hate singin’ the chorus…
(Such a boring f*ckin’ job)
I’m gonna take my 40 bucks…
(That’s what they’re payin’ me)
And I’m gonna go get really drunk…
(Masturbate then go to sleep)

Wait a minute, I remember what happened now…You guys raped me! No wonder I couldn’t remember anything. I thought you guys were my friends. That is not cool.

No it’s ironic.

No, no…it’s not ironic. I don’t think you understand…dude, dude could you stop peeing while I’m talking? And what the f*ck is that? Did someone sh*t their pants?

Yep!

Forgot to put this one up. Jon Lajoie created this “Michael Jackson is Dead” video and song as a tribute to the King of Pop. At first, I was a little confused because the whole song talks about all the negative stuff. It’s not meant to be that way, but it is meant to chastise the people that fed off of MJ’s faults and flaws and now all of a sudden are taking advantage of his death in a more positive manner…or something like that…well whatever, here is the video and lyrics for Michael Jackson is Dead.

You can also check out Jon’s latest video attacking main stream music: Radio Friendly Song

Michael Jackson is Dead Video by Jon Lajoie

Michael Jackson is Dead Lyrics (Jon Lajoie)

Oh my god, did you hear about Michael Jackson?
Yeah, I heard about Michael Jackson, it’s crazy right?
Yeah…
I can’t believe it, all of a sudden the media is on his side.
I know its crazy right?

Michael Jackson is dead,
don’t pretend you give a sh*t,
you mother f*cking hypocrites
remember what you said he did.

Michael Jackson is dead
no you never gave a sh*t
so why are you pretending
you mother f*cking hypocrite.

Michael Jackon’s such a freak.
You’d hear it a thousand times a week
on every f*cking TV screen
and every f*cking magazine.

Yeah sure we liked him for while
for a few years when he was in style
then someone said he’s a pedophile
and f*cking boys is what makes him smile.

Then there was a punch line everyday
about his Skeletor like face,
and how he loved twelve year old balls,
we didn’t care if it was true or false.

So don’t pretend that you give a f*ck
keep talking about how he sucked twelve year old c*ck
and went from a being cute little black kid,
and died as a white skeleton robot.

Michael Jackson is dead
don’t pretend you give a sh*t
you mother f*cking hypocrites
remember what you said he did.

Michael Jackson is dead
no you never gave a sh*t
so why are you pretending
you mother f*cking hypocrite.

Remember when he dangled his kid from a balcony?
I wasn’t here but you called him legendary.
And when he heard that shit about the Culkin kid,
we said, “Oh my god, Jacko is mother f*cking sick!”

“He likes f*cking kids,
he likes f*cking kids!”
Nobody was talking about his music,
now if I say “He died choking on a kid’s d*ck”,
you’d say, “Oh my god, that’s so offensive!”

Well f*ck you, you mother f*cking c*nt ass b*tch,
everyone in the news hyp- a mother f*cking –crite.
On your high horse saying that I’m a demon,
Cuz’ I say that he overdosed on a boy’s semen.

Michael Jackson is dead;
don’t pretend you give a sh*t,
you mother f*cking hypocrites
remember what you said he did.

Michael Jackson is dead
no you never gave a sh*t
so why are you pretending you mother f*cking hypocrites.

Oh, we’re so sad that Michael Jackson passed away, we loved him so much.
Oh really? Really, did you love him? From where I’m standing, it kind of looked like you hated him, and you called him a freak, and that you wanted him to die. But now that he’s dead, you love him, and he’s a legend, and he’s so amazing, and we love Michael Jackson.

How about you go f*ck yourself you big bunch of f*cking hypocrites,
Here I’m going to do this for you; I’m going to do this for you.

Billy Jean was not his lover,
Of course she wasn’t she had a vagina.
She was older than twelve years old.

F*ck you hypocrites.

Jon Lajoie has created another song that attacks main stream music…this time he’s attacking the radio friendly song, which also happens to be the name of the song. Ironically, this song is definitely not radio-friendly from a lyrics perspective. Though it’s definitely radio-friendly from an instrumental perpsective.

Radio Friendly Song Video (Jon Lajoie)

Radio Friendly Song Lyrics by Jon Lajoie

It starts off like a thousand other songs that you’ve heard before.
Except in this one they do a little do, do-do-do, doo do do dooooo.

So you try to change the station but it’s playing on every one.
A bunch of shitty ass chords and lyrics recorded by a f*cking moron.

You assume that the general public is not that stupid.
You’re positive that nobody will want to listen to this.

But you are wrong…

They want a stupid mother-f*cking,
lame c*ck-sucking, cookie-cutter,
radio friendly song.

And everyone sings along in their cars and at the mall.
And at the office they all love the new radio friendly song.
Unoriginal melody.

Why did John Lennon have to be the one to get shot?
Something’s wrong.
While these douchbags are all still alive singing these ass-lickin’ songs.

All these f*cking unoriginal p*ssies that don’t have anything to say.
I’m not homophobic, but this song is sooo f*cking gay.

You can barely retain the vomit that’s rising in your throat.
And you assume that everyone will think that this song’s terrible.

But you are wrong…

They want a stupid mother-f*cking,
lame c*ck-sucking, cookie-cutter,
radio friendly song.

And everyone sings along in their cars and at the mall.
And at the office they all love the new radio friendly…
…piece of sh*t oh what a sucky ass piece of sh*t.

I’d rather shoot myself in the face than listen to this
corporate b*tch singing a stupid mother-f*cking,
lame c*ck-sucking, cookie-cutter,
radio friendly piece of sh*t.

God, I hate this sh*t.

My new favorite song from Jon Lajoie is Pop Song. In case you haven’t heard, Jon Lajoie has a new album out. It’s called “You Want Some of This?” and it’s available on itunes or through his website. He also recently released Alone in the Universe. Now that you’re up to speed, check out the latest song. He hasn’t made a video yet ’cause he’s been touring, but I assume one will be coming for this song eventually. If not, then you can enjoy staring at the album cover, ha! Or you can check out the Pop Song lyrics below and sing along…it’s pretty catchy. It is a pop song parody after all. Enjoy, and check out more of Jon Lajoie’s videos. No surprise, we’re big fans here at Video Sundry.

Jon Lajoie: Pop Song Music Video

Pop Song Lyrics by Jon Lajoie

Girl, im a sexually attractive man.

That makes me a good artist.

This is my new single…

I hope you like it.

Wealthy men hired me

to sing this song that they wrote for me.

They’re investing in this quasi-music video,

and theyre paying to get a bid on the radio.

(on the radio)

And they’re gonna sell a million (a million),

Yes it’s gonna go platinum…

‘Cause they’ll market this song

to young impressionable and insecure teenage girls.

‘Cause all you gotta say is,

ohh baby i love you and girl i need you in my world.

‘Cause they’ll market this song

to young impressionable and insecure teenage girls.

‘Cause all they gotta do

is find a sexually attractive man

that can sing all the words.

(and now the token rap verse

that doesnt make any sense

but helps to get a small percentage

of the urban music market)

Hey baby baby i can tell that you are crazy crazy.

shake that ass girl my rhymes are gettin lazy lazy.

These things im talking ’bout have

nothing to do with the song baby.

But it don’t matter wont you show me that thong baby.

That’s how it works in the pop music industry,

2009 motherfucker that’s just how it be.

‘Cause they’ll market this song

to young impressionable and insecure teenage girls.

‘Cause all you gotta say is,

ohh baby i love you ooh girl i need you in my world.

‘Cause they’ll market this song

to young impressionable and insecure teenage girls.

‘Cause all they gotta do

is find a sexually attractive man

that can sing all the words.

Now I’m singing with my gay voice

to let you know that I’m sensitive.

Oh yeah Im’ singing with my gay voice,

teenage girls love a sensitive boy (sensitive boy)

And you know I wanna…

Make money money

make money money

make money

make money money

make money money

make money…

Rich men makin money off of their investments,

ooh its so sexual baby…

Girl I love you so much,

I wish we could be together.

Unfortunately we can’t because

I’m rich and famous and you’re not

But, why dont you just go out and buy my album,

and tell your friends about it too

so that they also go out and buy it .

Jon Lajoie is Alone in the Universe and apparently he wants to sing a song about masturbating. Jon Lajoie recently released a new video called Alone in the Universe. The lyrics and video are below. If you haven’t heard of Jon Lajoie, then you’re in for a real treat. He’s one of the funniest guys currently online, and especially in Canada. So, take solace in the fact that you’re not “alone in the universe” and sing along with the new Jon Lajoie video.

**Update: check out our new favorite song by Jon Lajoie: Pop Song

Alone in the Universe Music Video

Alone in the Universe Lyrics

We’re floating in space on the edge of time…
In a universe that we can’t define.
Billions of stars in the endless night.
Try and find purpose for our lives,
Yet we still take the time,
We still take the time,
Yes we always take the time…

To masturbate oohhh…
To milk the snake…
Girls do the taco hand shake…
I’m gonna hold my sausage hostage, tonight.

Wheter you’re English, French, Japanesse, or German,
Whether you’re at home or at a movie with Pee Wee Herman,
We all take matters into our own hands.
With the five finger army we invade our pants.
We’d all be doing time,
Yes we’d all be doing time,
If it was a crime…

To Masterbate ooohhhh…
To pull the hand brake…
To play vagina dj…
She’s gonna play country on the clitar, tonight.

He burps his baby,
She’s putting on a puppet show.
Our genitals are Juliet,
Our hands are Romeo.
He chokes his chicken,
She tickles her camel toe.
Our genitals are Jul….

(2 Hours Later)

That Marisa Tomei is HOT!
Our genitals are Juliet,
Our hands are Romeo.

I’m gonna play ball on team penis, tonight.

Jon Lajoie’s latest music video is another rap video called Everyday Normal Crew. I’m assuming he’s wrapping up his “Everyday Normal…” series (you’ll see why at the end of the video), though you never know. If you haven’t seen the others, you should check out Everyday Normal Guy and Everyday Normal Guy 2. If you’re familiar with those, then you’re good to go. Personally, I like the first two the best, but maybe this one will grow on me more. Glad to see Jon making some  more videos…BTW, if you haven’t seen the one before this one check out I Come Too Fast…hilarious. (See the other Jon Lajoie videos). Let us know what you think of Everyday Normal Crew in the comments. 

Everyday Normal Crew Rap Music Video

Everyday Normal Crew Lyrics by Jon Lajoie

Hey yo! Fuck NWA (Get the fuck outta here).
Fuck G Unit (fuck that shit).
Fuck D12 (motherfucker!).
Get the fuck out of the way (fuck you bitch!).
Normal motherfucking crew (motherfucker!).
Everyday normal crew (what what what what!).

We just a regular everyday normal crew,
You can fuck with us ’cause we won’t fuck with you.
We just a regular everyday normal crew,
Once a month we get drunk and watch Terminator 2.

We just a regular everyday normal crew,
If you’re hot bitches we’re too shy to talk to you.
We just a regular everyday normal crew,
And we get joy spending time with our families.

This is my bro J-A to the S-O-N yo,
the best at Mike Tyson’s Punch Out on Nintendo.
From Glass Joe to Macho Man, yo he fucks shit up,
then Tyson goes down with a star upper-cut.

And he’s also pretty good at Super Mario 3,
but he doesn’t use the flutes cause he doesn’t like cheats.
Like the Contra code that he really doesn’t like,
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right,
then B, A, B, A, Select, Start you got 30 lives.
He says that shit’s for pussies who don’t know how to fight.

Yo this my man cheese, better known as cheese bread,
We call him that ’cause every time he gets out of bed
he puts 5 slices of cheese on 5 slices of bread.
Microwaves that shit, eats it, then goes back to bed.
Sleeps 12 hours a day and he doesn’t like Asian food.
That’s right bitches, he doesn’t like Asian food.
He doesn’t like the taste of soy sauce,
personally I love that shit but he does not.

Yo Ben is my friend that owns every DVD
from Goonies to Time Cop to Beverly Hills Cop 3.
Dark Knight, First Knight, A Knight’s Tale, and Knight Rider,
He even owns the motherfucking movie Street Fighter.

I borrow them from him I never pay to rent a movie,
as long as I take care of the box and don’t scratch the DVD,
cause last week I borrowed City Slickers and it got scratched,
I was hoping that he wouldn’t notice when I brought it back.
but he did and he was pissed so I apologized to him
and he forgave me and I asked him if I could borrow the movie Twins.
He was reluctant to do so, but he knows I love DeVito,
with Schwarzenegger, that’s a motherfucking comedic duo!

We just a regular everyday normal crew,
we own our tickets to Alanis Morissette in June.
We just a regular everyday normal crew,
we bust gats and cadillacs in Grand Theft Auto 2.

We just a regular everyday normal crew,
no party is a party without a Phil Collins too.
We just a regular everyday normal crew,
And when one of us gets a haircut we make fun of them.

Yo this is D and he’s a big fucking wrestling fan,
Monday Night Raw, Smackdown, and all the shit from the past.
Like Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulkamania,
Every year he travels to attend WrestleMania.

It may come as no surprise that he’s never had sex,
but it doesn’t bother him ’cause he has the internet.
He jerks off to freaky shit like 2 Girls 1 Cup,
he’s fucked up I tried watching it I fucking threw up.

This my nigga KC (What the fuck did you just call me?),
Sorry…I’ll say friend.

This is my friend KC the only black friend in the crew,
not because we’re racist every race is welcome in the group.
Truthfully he’s a friend of a friend I don’t know him that well,
but not because he’s black my favorite actors are Denzel…
and Samuel L. Jackson, I also like Bill Paxton,
but not because he’s white, but because of his acting.

This is my friend Cleo, she really likes the Beatles,
her favorite is McCartney and her least favorite is Ringo.
A year ago I asked her to go on a date with me she said no,
she said she’d rather just be friends, I started cryin and ran home.
And since then we rarely make eye contact when we speak,
which is awkward ’cause we all hang out at least two times a week.

Finally, I ain’t me without my best friend Steve,
He’s got my motherfuckin’ back although he’s weaker than me.
He’ll probably have a heart attack sometime soon,
but until then he’s my top gun like fucking Tom Cruise.

Jon Lajoie: Say it
Steve: Nah
Jon Lajoie: Say it, c’mon say it.
Steve: Nah
Steve: You want some of this bitch?! Money! Have a nice day bitch!

If you play organized sports say, “Hell yeah.”
If you watch 24 say, “Hell yeah.”
If the only ass you see is in porn say, “Hell yeah.”
If you eat chocolate when you’re bored say, “Hell yeah.”

I eat chocolate, a lot…when I’m bored. Um, I should stop though…
my metabolism is slowing down. I also like pie…cherry…rhubarb.

We just a regular everyday normal crew,
the joke’s getting old I fucking agree with you.
We just a regular everyday normal crew,
I just repeat the same shit from Normal Guy 1 and 2.

We just a regular everyday normal crew,
What a twist with this one I rapped about my friends too.
We just a regular everyday normal crew,
I think this cow’s been milked dry…motherfucker!

Steve: You want some of this bitch? You’ll never get it…it’s gonna go right up my asshole.

After a little hiatus (I assume because of his recent touring), Jon Lajoie has created another music video…(I Come) Too Fast. As you may have guessed, he’s referencing a problem many guys must confront. However, Jon Lajoie layers the discussion with his oh-so-eloquent and comedic tone. Seriously, if you haven’t heard of this guy, then you need see the other Jon Lajoie videos because they are friggin’ hilarious. If you’ve seen the others, then check out the latest: (I Come) Too Fast…

I Come Too Fast Music Video by Jon Lajoie

I Come Too Fast Lyrics by Jon Lajoie

I can run a hundred miles without stopping for rest.
I can stay under water for 5 minutes on a single breath.
When I focus my mind I always reach my goal,
but there’s one thing I cannot control…

I come too fast…
I come too fast…
A couple strokes and my erection is a thing of the past.

I come too fast…
I come too fast…
Sometimes it’s even game over before I take off my pants.

I’ve read all the articles and I’ve tried every trick.
Thinking of sports or of naked Cathy Bates in About Schmidt.
If the girl’s on top sometimes I’ll last a minute or two,
but if we doggy-style oh man I’m screwed…

I come too fast…
I come too fast…
I carry a spare pair of underwear in case a girl sits on my lap.

I come too fast…
I come too fast…
I swear I’ll even shoot my load if a fly lands on my shaft.

Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh….
Ooohh. Damnit.

Jon Lajoie: This video was brought to you by “Shamelessly advertising my own merchandise in my videos.”

Jon Lajoie’s bootlegs and b-sides video has just been released! And well, it’s not that funny. Actually, it is. But probably more because it’s being released in bits and pieces…like a true bootleg and b side compilation. He’s basically released…well, some unreleased material. Which I guess can’t really be considered un-released any more? If you haven’t seen anything by Mr. Lajoie, then I suggest you watch some of his older videos first!

Jon Lajoie Bootlegs and B-Sides Video

Bootlegs & B-Sides Lyrics, Transcript, & Video by Jon Lajoie

Jon Lajoie on Bootlegs & B-Sides: Hi everyone. This is a video of stuff I never released because it sucks balls. So, watch it anyway?

jon lajoie bootlegs & b-sides – unreleased material

“I don’t understand” lyrics from jon lajoie’s bootlegs and b-sides video

(starts off with acoustic guitar playing)
I don’t understand,
Can somebody tell me what’s going on?
Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push-ups on my front lawn?
And why’s he wearing lipstick?

“Different kinds of trees” lyrics from jon lajoie’s bootlegs & b-sides video

(starts off with techno bass beat)
There are so many different kinds of trees,
there are so many different kinds of trees.
There are so many different kinds of trees,
there are so many different kinds of trees.

There is this kind of tree…
and this kind of tree.
There is also this kind of tree…
or this kind of tree.

There are so many different kinds of trees,
there are so many different kinds of trees.

“Michael Richards” lyrics from jon lajoie’s bootlegs & b-sides video

(starts off with acoustic guitar playing…sounds like something Jack Johnson would play, ha!)
One eventful night in a comedy club,
Michael Richards said something.
So I took his words and I turned them into a song,
and this is the song I sing…

He said…

(talking) You know what…I don’t think this is a good song idea.

“Jon Lajoie presents a man that thinks that ‘yelling’ is ‘table salt’” transcript from jon lajoie’s bootlegs & b-sides video

(Jon Lajoie eating soup)
(Jon Lajoie yells at soup) Ahhhhhhh!!!!
Mmmm….

“Jon Lajoie presents a man that thinks that ‘chairs’ are ‘Harvey Keitel’” transcript from jon lajoie’s bootlegs & b-sides video

Jon Lajoie: Aw man you were awesome in Reservoir Dogs

“June 2007 Pre-High as Fuck” lyrics from jon lajoie’s bootlegs & b-sides video

(to the tune of High as Fuck)
You ever wanted to ask a girl out,
but you didn’t know what to say so you just wimped out.
Have you ever been shy as fuck?
(Jon Lajoie talking) Yeah, this is not very funny. We should get high and try and come up with something better.

(take 2)

Have you ever watched the sun shine
while you’re having sex with a girl and a guy at the same time?
Have you ever been bi as fuck?
(Jon Lajoie talking) Yeah…no, that’s just creepy. Oh no, wait a minute…we’re high…I just came up with a genius idea.

(take 3)

Have you ever watched the sun go down
and you’re thinking about the world spinning ’round?
Have you ever met Emilio Estevez?
(Jon Lajoie talking) Awesome…that’s the one…that’s the one right there.

“Potty training video song” lyrics from jon lajoie’s bootlegs & b-sides video

Hello boys and girls,
it’s time to learn about potty time.
Do you feel a caca in your bum-bum
or a pee-pee in your wee-wee?
Well, come along and sing with me…

Poo-poo comes out of your bum
and it makes funny noises…
(farting noises)

Poopoo comes out of your bum
but you should do it in the toilet.
And if you have to do a peepee
do it in the potty…
peeing in your pants is really really naughty.

This applies to some old people too.

(text on screen: Jon Lajoie will be “Live as Fuck” in LA on Oct. 29th at The Irvine Improv and on Oct. 30th at Spaceland)

(Jon Lajoie talking) This video was brought to you by really expensive clothing. It’s the only way to show people that you’re an interesting person. Reallly expensive clothing…cause what else are you gonna spend your money on…poor people?

(more text on screen: And for all of my Canadian brothers and sisters that have supported me from day one, I’ll be in a town near you very soon, I swear. Love you.)

Outtakes from “Show me your genitals” and “Potty Training Video Song”

Jon Lajoie: (laughs) This is dumber than “show me your genitals”…holy fuck.